Making the best of a bad situation.
Parking tickets… 29 years of driving and never had one… Until recently.
To make a long story short, I unwittingly parked my car illegally and got a ticket. On the naval base so there’s no fine, but you do have to go admit to being a dumb ass (something I’ve gotten very good at over the years) so you can get your base driving privileges restored.
Part of the process involves updating all of your information in Big Brother’s database of parking infractions, base stickers, and known jaywalkers. Another part is running your license through the BIG computer (in the sky someplace) to see if you have any parking or jaywalking violations outside of military installations.
Background information: My driver’s license was issued in 1977. I enlisted in the Navy in 1979. My driver’s license would have expired in 1981 except for the fact that I’ve remained on active duty since and therefore is valid until 60 days after I retire. This is honored in all 50 US states and territories. It is also good enough for the Naval Station to ISSUE you a base sticker for your car. (At least it was 6 months ago when I registered this car…)
The nice lady who takes care of parking tickets ran my license and of course, it came up blank. Seems the state of Ohio didn’t have a centralized computer system in 1979, either that, or my license disappeared in the ether since. In any case, she couldn’t restore my base driving privileges and I had to go see the Lieutenant.
The Lieutenant informs me that, as far as he is concerned, I do not hold a valid driver's license and that I may no longer operate a motor vehicle on ANY federal reservation and he has annotated this in the parking ticket / jaywalking database. I call the DMV and the nice lady there explains to both me and the Lieutenant that my license is, in fact, still valid in all 50 states, and as far as The People’s Republic of Virginia is concerned I can drive anywhere I like. Not good enough for the young Lieutenant.
At this point, I am ready to kill someone. I am certain that I can win this, but at the same time, I won’t be able to drive to work in the interim. I put killing the little bastard on hold for the time being.
Stepping outside, I call my wife and she gathers the necessary documentation for me to obtain a new license and heads off to the DMV. She gets in the “stand-in-this-line-and-get-a-ticket-so-you-can-stand-in-the-other-line” and is just up to the window as I arrive. We spend the rest of the afternoon at DMV. Did I mention that all this occurred on the last day of the month?
With my new license, I can now go see the nice lady at the base precinct (who told me she knew the Lieutenant was going to give me a bad time and that he really needs to work on his personal skills…) stays late to take care of me and all is well with the world. (Unless, that is, you happen to be the young Lieutenant, in which case, your life is hanging by a very thin thread, but that’s another story all together…)
It’s now after 4PM and if you live around here, you can understand that there is no way I’m going to get across the river any time soon. What to do?
Taking stock of the day, I realize that I really owe my wife big time. She dropped everything at a moment’s notice and hung out at DMV for the better part of the day, all without saying boo.
Being stuck “south of the James” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and the best Sushi place in the entire state happens to be nearby. We don’t get to This Old House (the sushi place) very often (something to do with the fact that it’s 45 miles from home…) so taking my wife there is a special treat. As soon as I offer it up, she jumps on the suggestion.
Our friends, Karen and Larry, come up in conversation (on the way to the restaurant) and we decide to ring them up to see if they’ve made dinner plans. We don’t get to see them nearly as frequently as we’d like and they enjoy This Old House as much as we do. They are discussing dinner options as we call. The choice is obvoius and we all meet at the restaraunt.
Mr. Lee outdid himself (again) and the dinner was exceptional. We catch up on what we’ve all missed over the last month or so. Good sushi and great company make the frustrations of the day pale. The bar next to the restaurant has Guinness at happy hour prices and we retire next door while the tunnel traffic thins out. (OK, at least that’s our official excuse… Fact is that we don’t get to spend the time we’d like with Karen and Larry and nobody ever wants to say good-bye when we do get together…)
Driving home, I realize that if it wasn’t for that asshole Lieutenant, I’d have had a “routine” day followed by a “routine” evening. As it was, I spent the afternoon with my wife, we didn’t get into an argument, and we had a wonderful evening in the company of 2 people who are very dear to us. For a day that started out poorly, it wound up as one of my most pleasant of the month.
I’m still going to make life miserable for Lt. Shit-for-Brains.
To make a long story short, I unwittingly parked my car illegally and got a ticket. On the naval base so there’s no fine, but you do have to go admit to being a dumb ass (something I’ve gotten very good at over the years) so you can get your base driving privileges restored.
Part of the process involves updating all of your information in Big Brother’s database of parking infractions, base stickers, and known jaywalkers. Another part is running your license through the BIG computer (in the sky someplace) to see if you have any parking or jaywalking violations outside of military installations.
Background information: My driver’s license was issued in 1977. I enlisted in the Navy in 1979. My driver’s license would have expired in 1981 except for the fact that I’ve remained on active duty since and therefore is valid until 60 days after I retire. This is honored in all 50 US states and territories. It is also good enough for the Naval Station to ISSUE you a base sticker for your car. (At least it was 6 months ago when I registered this car…)
The nice lady who takes care of parking tickets ran my license and of course, it came up blank. Seems the state of Ohio didn’t have a centralized computer system in 1979, either that, or my license disappeared in the ether since. In any case, she couldn’t restore my base driving privileges and I had to go see the Lieutenant.
The Lieutenant informs me that, as far as he is concerned, I do not hold a valid driver's license and that I may no longer operate a motor vehicle on ANY federal reservation and he has annotated this in the parking ticket / jaywalking database. I call the DMV and the nice lady there explains to both me and the Lieutenant that my license is, in fact, still valid in all 50 states, and as far as The People’s Republic of Virginia is concerned I can drive anywhere I like. Not good enough for the young Lieutenant.
At this point, I am ready to kill someone. I am certain that I can win this, but at the same time, I won’t be able to drive to work in the interim. I put killing the little bastard on hold for the time being.
Stepping outside, I call my wife and she gathers the necessary documentation for me to obtain a new license and heads off to the DMV. She gets in the “stand-in-this-line-and-get-a-ticket-so-you-can-stand-in-the-other-line” and is just up to the window as I arrive. We spend the rest of the afternoon at DMV. Did I mention that all this occurred on the last day of the month?
With my new license, I can now go see the nice lady at the base precinct (who told me she knew the Lieutenant was going to give me a bad time and that he really needs to work on his personal skills…) stays late to take care of me and all is well with the world. (Unless, that is, you happen to be the young Lieutenant, in which case, your life is hanging by a very thin thread, but that’s another story all together…)
It’s now after 4PM and if you live around here, you can understand that there is no way I’m going to get across the river any time soon. What to do?
Taking stock of the day, I realize that I really owe my wife big time. She dropped everything at a moment’s notice and hung out at DMV for the better part of the day, all without saying boo.
Being stuck “south of the James” isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and the best Sushi place in the entire state happens to be nearby. We don’t get to This Old House (the sushi place) very often (something to do with the fact that it’s 45 miles from home…) so taking my wife there is a special treat. As soon as I offer it up, she jumps on the suggestion.
Our friends, Karen and Larry, come up in conversation (on the way to the restaurant) and we decide to ring them up to see if they’ve made dinner plans. We don’t get to see them nearly as frequently as we’d like and they enjoy This Old House as much as we do. They are discussing dinner options as we call. The choice is obvoius and we all meet at the restaraunt.
Mr. Lee outdid himself (again) and the dinner was exceptional. We catch up on what we’ve all missed over the last month or so. Good sushi and great company make the frustrations of the day pale. The bar next to the restaurant has Guinness at happy hour prices and we retire next door while the tunnel traffic thins out. (OK, at least that’s our official excuse… Fact is that we don’t get to spend the time we’d like with Karen and Larry and nobody ever wants to say good-bye when we do get together…)
Driving home, I realize that if it wasn’t for that asshole Lieutenant, I’d have had a “routine” day followed by a “routine” evening. As it was, I spent the afternoon with my wife, we didn’t get into an argument, and we had a wonderful evening in the company of 2 people who are very dear to us. For a day that started out poorly, it wound up as one of my most pleasant of the month.
I’m still going to make life miserable for Lt. Shit-for-Brains.
posted by Gopher at 9:53 AM
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