Monogamy
So I’m watching this Ron White special on Comedy Central. Misbehaving or Behaving Badly or something like that and he’s talking about his 3rd marriage or something and he says:
“If you only f*ck your wife, you can’t get caught!”
I laugh; I laugh my *ss off; and then I start to think about it, and it occurs to me, that there is a (twisted) truth to that concept, and I start to think about the whole thing about only f*cking my wife. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe even naïve on occasion, but frankly, I only f*ck my wife.
OK, it does come across as crude, but take the f-bomb out of it, and perhaps it’s a sentiment that is long missing from today’s society.
To start, I was never the type to go for casual relationships. Maybe that was part of my upbringing, you really had to work at these things when I was growing up so that never really entered into the picture. That’s not to say that I don’t live vicariously through some of my friends who do, it’s just not for me. So in addition to only f*cking my wife I’d have to say that I’d only f*ck someone with whom I had already established some kind of relationship.
Having said that: I have many close friends who are women. I’d even go so far as to say that over half of my closest friends are women, and I’d further go on to say that they are all very attractive in their own way. But then, they ARE MY FRIENDS and frankly, I don’t think of them from a physical perspective. It would be wrong (at least as far as I’m concerned) to view them that way, somehow cheapening the relationship, weakening the trust we share.
Maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends started out as co-workers. The old adage about keeping work at work and play at play could be applied easily enough, but looking around here there are plenty of people who don’t see that as a line that can’t be crossed. I’d say that last 3 ships I’ve been on, dating (and more) has been pervasive. Still, when I think of the women I’ve worked with (who have gone on to become close friends) I can’t think of ever being romantically attracted to any of them. I suppose I could go into each relationship and come up with a litany of reasons why that one in particular would never have gone that route; Courtney is a dear friend, and we’ve only known each other barely a year, and she holds her cards pretty close, but every now and then she lets me in on a secret or two and we grow closer with each encounter. Then again, I am almost 15 years her senior so maybe she sees me as a fatherly (father-lite? More Listening – Less Guilt?) figure. I don’t know, but knowing how little she lets on to anyone, it feels special when she opens up to me and I’m really looking forward to the next year as our relationship deepens. So maybe it’s the work thing, or maybe it’s the age thing, and while I’m sure that at some point, we’ll be the subject of a rumour (they do run rampant around here) neither of us would ever be interested in anything more between us.
Maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends are married. And maybe we’re all a little old-fashioned about that, but then we’re not all that old-fashioned. Chris is a funny, intelligent, warm and loving mother and wife as well as one of my dearest friends in the world. I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve spent an evening at Murphy’s only to stumble back to my hotel and get up for work in the morning. I’m sure the hotel staff really raised their eyebrows when Terri would accompany me on those trips. (I used to stay at that particular place very frequently traveling with my last assignment.) Still, we’d stay the night in the (1 king sized bed) hotel room and not think anything of it in the morning. OK, so her husband is a good friend of mine, and she and my wife are best of friends also, but I’ve seen enough similar situations where things didn’t work out quite so platonically.
And then maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends as do I, like girls. My best (female) friend (other than my wife) is an openly gay woman. She is warm, caring, a great listener and a true friend in the purest sense of the word. I can’t describe the impact she has had on my life and I’ll always cherish the time we share. Problem is we just don’t see each other nearly enough and most of the time we do winds up being when Terri is out of town (usually babysitting Chris’ kids.) Terri always jokes that she is no more than out the door and I start dating Mary. We’ll go out to a bar or a restaurant near her house, holding hands and becoming lost in conversation. Several times, we’ve had friends pass by without our noticing them (although they seemed to notice and have given us an earful the next day…) We’ve even had waitresses comment how they can tell by looking that we’ve have been together for a long time. (We just smile and nod, not willing to even try to explain our relationship…) So from the outside looking in, we probably do look like quite the couple, and frankly, I can’t recall ever being this close to a woman (other than my wife) and you can certainly argue that our individual sexualities keep us from going down that road, but there’s just more to it.
So the women in my life are all caring, loving, and beautiful women (who become all the more beautiful the more I come to know and love them.) They also happen to be co-workers, married and or gay. Is that why I only f*ck my wife? Because I just don’t see it. Are those labels just reasons to NOT go there?
I know a lot of guys who come up with a lot of reasons: Not willing to risk their careers, their financial stability, their marriages. Some say they have found a woman they can live with and don’t know that they can find another (or are unwilling to go the effort of finding another.) They wouldn’t be able to live with the damage to their reputation. The list goes on and on so they remain faithful. And as much as I’d like to admire their fidelity I can’t empathize. They’re finding reasons to NOT do it and that’s different. I only f*ck my wife; They need reasons.
What if the woman I want to f*ck turns out to be my wife? What if I’ve found the woman I can’t live without? What if, after 28 years together (26.5 married) she still drives me wild? What if the most desirable woman in the whole world just so happens to be my wife? What if I’m completely taken by her; the way she smiles at me. Hearing her say “I love you.” Waking up in the morning, the warmth of her body next to mine, the way it curves, the way it moves, the way I feel when I hold her, our bodies so close I can’t tell where she stops and I begin. The way time fades away when we’re together; the closeness we share.
Maybe the thing is I ONLY WANT TO f*ck my wife.
I think I’m good with that.
“If you only f*ck your wife, you can’t get caught!”
I laugh; I laugh my *ss off; and then I start to think about it, and it occurs to me, that there is a (twisted) truth to that concept, and I start to think about the whole thing about only f*cking my wife. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, maybe even naïve on occasion, but frankly, I only f*ck my wife.
OK, it does come across as crude, but take the f-bomb out of it, and perhaps it’s a sentiment that is long missing from today’s society.
To start, I was never the type to go for casual relationships. Maybe that was part of my upbringing, you really had to work at these things when I was growing up so that never really entered into the picture. That’s not to say that I don’t live vicariously through some of my friends who do, it’s just not for me. So in addition to only f*cking my wife I’d have to say that I’d only f*ck someone with whom I had already established some kind of relationship.
Having said that: I have many close friends who are women. I’d even go so far as to say that over half of my closest friends are women, and I’d further go on to say that they are all very attractive in their own way. But then, they ARE MY FRIENDS and frankly, I don’t think of them from a physical perspective. It would be wrong (at least as far as I’m concerned) to view them that way, somehow cheapening the relationship, weakening the trust we share.
Maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends started out as co-workers. The old adage about keeping work at work and play at play could be applied easily enough, but looking around here there are plenty of people who don’t see that as a line that can’t be crossed. I’d say that last 3 ships I’ve been on, dating (and more) has been pervasive. Still, when I think of the women I’ve worked with (who have gone on to become close friends) I can’t think of ever being romantically attracted to any of them. I suppose I could go into each relationship and come up with a litany of reasons why that one in particular would never have gone that route; Courtney is a dear friend, and we’ve only known each other barely a year, and she holds her cards pretty close, but every now and then she lets me in on a secret or two and we grow closer with each encounter. Then again, I am almost 15 years her senior so maybe she sees me as a fatherly (father-lite? More Listening – Less Guilt?) figure. I don’t know, but knowing how little she lets on to anyone, it feels special when she opens up to me and I’m really looking forward to the next year as our relationship deepens. So maybe it’s the work thing, or maybe it’s the age thing, and while I’m sure that at some point, we’ll be the subject of a rumour (they do run rampant around here) neither of us would ever be interested in anything more between us.
Maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends are married. And maybe we’re all a little old-fashioned about that, but then we’re not all that old-fashioned. Chris is a funny, intelligent, warm and loving mother and wife as well as one of my dearest friends in the world. I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve spent an evening at Murphy’s only to stumble back to my hotel and get up for work in the morning. I’m sure the hotel staff really raised their eyebrows when Terri would accompany me on those trips. (I used to stay at that particular place very frequently traveling with my last assignment.) Still, we’d stay the night in the (1 king sized bed) hotel room and not think anything of it in the morning. OK, so her husband is a good friend of mine, and she and my wife are best of friends also, but I’ve seen enough similar situations where things didn’t work out quite so platonically.
And then maybe it’s because probably a third of my female friends as do I, like girls. My best (female) friend (other than my wife) is an openly gay woman. She is warm, caring, a great listener and a true friend in the purest sense of the word. I can’t describe the impact she has had on my life and I’ll always cherish the time we share. Problem is we just don’t see each other nearly enough and most of the time we do winds up being when Terri is out of town (usually babysitting Chris’ kids.) Terri always jokes that she is no more than out the door and I start dating Mary. We’ll go out to a bar or a restaurant near her house, holding hands and becoming lost in conversation. Several times, we’ve had friends pass by without our noticing them (although they seemed to notice and have given us an earful the next day…) We’ve even had waitresses comment how they can tell by looking that we’ve have been together for a long time. (We just smile and nod, not willing to even try to explain our relationship…) So from the outside looking in, we probably do look like quite the couple, and frankly, I can’t recall ever being this close to a woman (other than my wife) and you can certainly argue that our individual sexualities keep us from going down that road, but there’s just more to it.
So the women in my life are all caring, loving, and beautiful women (who become all the more beautiful the more I come to know and love them.) They also happen to be co-workers, married and or gay. Is that why I only f*ck my wife? Because I just don’t see it. Are those labels just reasons to NOT go there?
I know a lot of guys who come up with a lot of reasons: Not willing to risk their careers, their financial stability, their marriages. Some say they have found a woman they can live with and don’t know that they can find another (or are unwilling to go the effort of finding another.) They wouldn’t be able to live with the damage to their reputation. The list goes on and on so they remain faithful. And as much as I’d like to admire their fidelity I can’t empathize. They’re finding reasons to NOT do it and that’s different. I only f*ck my wife; They need reasons.
What if the woman I want to f*ck turns out to be my wife? What if I’ve found the woman I can’t live without? What if, after 28 years together (26.5 married) she still drives me wild? What if the most desirable woman in the whole world just so happens to be my wife? What if I’m completely taken by her; the way she smiles at me. Hearing her say “I love you.” Waking up in the morning, the warmth of her body next to mine, the way it curves, the way it moves, the way I feel when I hold her, our bodies so close I can’t tell where she stops and I begin. The way time fades away when we’re together; the closeness we share.
Maybe the thing is I ONLY WANT TO f*ck my wife.
I think I’m good with that.
posted by Gopher at 12:31 PM
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