What to do about those Browns
Another abysmal year has come and gone. Yeah sure, we closed out the season with 4 wins, but whom did we beat? Oakland? (I was there, and I thoroughly enjoyed that game mind you, but it was Charlie Frye OK?) Kansas City? Probably the worst team in the league. Pissburgh? Always an emotionally charged game and their season was folding fast in the closing weeks.
Now, having said all that, I'm cautiously optimistic for the next couple of years. It appears we finally have real football people with real experience in the front office. (If only they'd listen to me now.) So here's where I think we should go THIS off-season:
We have a ton of cap room and 11 picks. Let's be realistic, we can't get 11 starters with those, but we should be able to make marked improvements to the myriad of weaknesses we exhibited over the last 10 years. Let's get started:
1. Trade Derek Anderson for a 4th round draft pick
2. Sign Troy Smith (hell be a restricted free agent) and compensate that team from Baltimore with the 4th rounder we get for DA. Having not started for 2 years, Smith should have no further delusions of grandeur and be signable for less than we'd have paid DA anyway.
3. Trade up with St Louis and draft Ndamukong Suh out of Nebraska
(If St Louis isn't interested in trading then see about Detroit and take Gerald McCoy out of Oklahoma)
4. Give Josh Cribbs the contract extension and pay he deserves. That by the way is the $1.4M we already offered him. Kick returners have a shelf life and it’s about 3 years. If he shows more talent as a running back, we’ll see but he’s not there. Remember, this guy was almost kicked out of Kent State University for dealing marijuana. If he’s not willing to live up to the terms of the contract he just signed, trade him to the Jets. I believe they have a bent sh*t-can laying around we can use on the sidelines.
5. Use the remaining picks (trade fodder) to draft 2 of the
following:
a. Russell Okung - Oklahoma State
b. Eric Berry - Texas
c. Bruce Campbell - Maryland
d. Trent Williams - Oklahoma
e. Bryan Bulaga - Iowa
With all this, here are my predictions for the AFC north.
2010
Browns continue to rebuild following a productive draft.
The offensive and defensive lines form a formidable corps and Brady Quinn is finally afforded breathing room. He averages 3.6 seconds of relative leisure in the pocket and finishes the season ranked 31st with a QB rating of 51.7.
Josh Cribbs is traded to the Jets for 3 picks in 2011 and turns in a lackluster performance all year long. He and Braylon Edwards complain they're being persecuted by all the Giants fans in New York.
Even with the second stingiest defense in the league, the Browns still manage to lose 3 heartbreakers and finish 9-7 losing the wildcard tie to that team from western Pennsylvania.
The Steelers continue with their hot-and-cold performance and back into the playoffs as Cleveland loses in week 16. Shampoo Boy is lost for the season when he has an allergic reaction to Head-N-Shoulders rendering him color blind. He routinely tackles the wrong players and is benched.
Pig Pen is taken out after a particularly nasty sack on the second play of the playoff game. In a post-game interview he is quoted: "Answer the phone Mom!" Baltimore cruises to the AFC championship only to be humiliated by Denver who gets killed in the big game.
2011
After their second successful draft the Browns begin to garner some respect in the league.
The defense doesn't give up a touchdown in the first 29 quarters. Still lacking a franchise QB, the team emerges from this streak 4-4. A new league record is set with no red-zone touchdowns surrendered all season.
Troy Smith replaces Brady Quinn who is picked up as an assistant coach in Kansas City. He and Charlie Weiss eventually fade into anonymity and mediocrity. They are later arrested for inappropriately familiar relations with pet aardvarks.
Mike Holmgren is elected Mayor after shutting out the entire AFC North with a combined score of 72-0 for all 6 games.
Even at 10-6, the Browns still miss the playoffs.
Pittsburg, rebounding from 2 years of mediocrity gets home field advantage for the playoffs with a 14-2 record. Mike Tomlinson is sentenced to 27 years at hard labor by a Pittsburgh judge for failing to beat the Browns in 5 straight games. The Steelers drop the AFC Championship to the Dolphins. Miami, playing at home in the Superbowl is shut out 4-0.
2012
Another spectacular draft lands a premier QB RB and WR in northeast Ohio. The Browns, with the #1 Offense (35 PPG average) and #1 Defense (6 PPG average) put together a 15-0 run, lock down home field advantage and are a sure lock to win the Super Bowl. On December 12, that pesky Mayan Calendar thingy causes a series of earthquakes around the world.
Browns Stadium slides quietly into Lake Erie.
Now, having said all that, I'm cautiously optimistic for the next couple of years. It appears we finally have real football people with real experience in the front office. (If only they'd listen to me now.) So here's where I think we should go THIS off-season:
We have a ton of cap room and 11 picks. Let's be realistic, we can't get 11 starters with those, but we should be able to make marked improvements to the myriad of weaknesses we exhibited over the last 10 years. Let's get started:
1. Trade Derek Anderson for a 4th round draft pick
2. Sign Troy Smith (hell be a restricted free agent) and compensate that team from Baltimore with the 4th rounder we get for DA. Having not started for 2 years, Smith should have no further delusions of grandeur and be signable for less than we'd have paid DA anyway.
3. Trade up with St Louis and draft Ndamukong Suh out of Nebraska
(If St Louis isn't interested in trading then see about Detroit and take Gerald McCoy out of Oklahoma)
4. Give Josh Cribbs the contract extension and pay he deserves. That by the way is the $1.4M we already offered him. Kick returners have a shelf life and it’s about 3 years. If he shows more talent as a running back, we’ll see but he’s not there. Remember, this guy was almost kicked out of Kent State University for dealing marijuana. If he’s not willing to live up to the terms of the contract he just signed, trade him to the Jets. I believe they have a bent sh*t-can laying around we can use on the sidelines.
5. Use the remaining picks (trade fodder) to draft 2 of the
following:
a. Russell Okung - Oklahoma State
b. Eric Berry - Texas
c. Bruce Campbell - Maryland
d. Trent Williams - Oklahoma
e. Bryan Bulaga - Iowa
With all this, here are my predictions for the AFC north.
2010
Browns continue to rebuild following a productive draft.
The offensive and defensive lines form a formidable corps and Brady Quinn is finally afforded breathing room. He averages 3.6 seconds of relative leisure in the pocket and finishes the season ranked 31st with a QB rating of 51.7.
Josh Cribbs is traded to the Jets for 3 picks in 2011 and turns in a lackluster performance all year long. He and Braylon Edwards complain they're being persecuted by all the Giants fans in New York.
Even with the second stingiest defense in the league, the Browns still manage to lose 3 heartbreakers and finish 9-7 losing the wildcard tie to that team from western Pennsylvania.
The Steelers continue with their hot-and-cold performance and back into the playoffs as Cleveland loses in week 16. Shampoo Boy is lost for the season when he has an allergic reaction to Head-N-Shoulders rendering him color blind. He routinely tackles the wrong players and is benched.
Pig Pen is taken out after a particularly nasty sack on the second play of the playoff game. In a post-game interview he is quoted: "Answer the phone Mom!" Baltimore cruises to the AFC championship only to be humiliated by Denver who gets killed in the big game.
2011
After their second successful draft the Browns begin to garner some respect in the league.
The defense doesn't give up a touchdown in the first 29 quarters. Still lacking a franchise QB, the team emerges from this streak 4-4. A new league record is set with no red-zone touchdowns surrendered all season.
Troy Smith replaces Brady Quinn who is picked up as an assistant coach in Kansas City. He and Charlie Weiss eventually fade into anonymity and mediocrity. They are later arrested for inappropriately familiar relations with pet aardvarks.
Mike Holmgren is elected Mayor after shutting out the entire AFC North with a combined score of 72-0 for all 6 games.
Even at 10-6, the Browns still miss the playoffs.
Pittsburg, rebounding from 2 years of mediocrity gets home field advantage for the playoffs with a 14-2 record. Mike Tomlinson is sentenced to 27 years at hard labor by a Pittsburgh judge for failing to beat the Browns in 5 straight games. The Steelers drop the AFC Championship to the Dolphins. Miami, playing at home in the Superbowl is shut out 4-0.
2012
Another spectacular draft lands a premier QB RB and WR in northeast Ohio. The Browns, with the #1 Offense (35 PPG average) and #1 Defense (6 PPG average) put together a 15-0 run, lock down home field advantage and are a sure lock to win the Super Bowl. On December 12, that pesky Mayan Calendar thingy causes a series of earthquakes around the world.
Browns Stadium slides quietly into Lake Erie.
posted by Gopher at 2:03 PM
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